Sunday, September 23, 2007

Why these things happen?

It is Sunday afternoon. I am sitting in my living room, looking to the view we have to the Santa Monica Mountain. I really love this home. What amazes me the most is that this home is really old and needs lot of renovation work, nevertheless, I like it that much as this is a brand new home. It is just so relaxing and so peaceful. I guess the former families that used to live here, left a great positive energy in this home.
Just sitting here and thinking why not everybody can be this happy? It is now about 5 days that I got a bad news from a very dear friend of mine. She was so upset, and so sad to find out that her husband was not faithful to her. She said how she found out that he was in regular contacts with his former Fiancée. I ask her that it may be just a normal contact and she shouldn’t be worry. Especially because the other woman is living in another country. But she said they had a conversation sometime ago in this matter, and that she had expressed her feeling before. She said he promised to keep the communication at the lowest possible level, like just cards for Birthdays, and so…Now she found series of letters, ‘Happy Thanksgiving day’, ‘Happy Independence day’, ‘Thank you notes’, and above all there was a letter in which she see that he sent a post card to his former Fiancée right on the day that was his first anniversary with my friend. This really blew her off. She was just sick and crying all the time. I didn’t know what to tell her. Tried to comfort her little bit, but she was really really sick. She contacted a family therapist, but she didn’t help that much. Just said, Oh ya. These types of relations are not very well accepted in the marriage, and that she supposed to talk to her husband about it. But she was too upset to talk about it.
I keep thinking how is those men (This type of them, not all) keep the right for themselves to do so. How would he feel if he would find out that his wife is in contact with another man?
I really feel sorry for her, and am wondering how I can help her. What do you think?

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Doostan man koja hastand?

It is 3:33 PM. My mind is blocked.
On one side, I have been waiting for one person to e.mail me. Or better said “ I was hoping that that person e.mails me”. And the mail never came. So…I am feeling confused. My logic part is telling me: Who cares? Bad for that person who could make you happy by a small note, and didn’t”. My emotional part tells me: “You see. I told you hundred times. You are not important for him/her (Don’t wanna mention if it is a he or a she :-)……”
I don’t wanna listen to neither of them and am interested to focus on my work. However, it seems like I am not able to. I checked my Google account at least 100 times today. Useless, and depressing. I am pretty much so ready to cry out loud.

On the other hand, today I found one of my old friends of many years ago. A friend that I shared a lot with her. Then suddenly she left the country, without saying good bye. For some years, thinking about her would make me feel so stupid in friendship. Then I’ve learned to respect her decision. I came to the point to think she probably had her own reasons to do so. I told myself if I looked at her as a good friend of mine, it does not essentially means she was looking at me from the same angel.

And then suddenly I found her on LinkedIn…… She said:” Since I left Iran I was 100% focused on my life and future so I didn't have much time to catch up with friends and families”

It made me think of myself. My past and future are marching in my mind like a movie, and am not able to focus on anything.

I remember one night about 14 years ago, with another friend of mine we were staying over this friend' Dad’s home somewhere in Shomal’s Forests. It was late at night. She gave us her bed and herself was laying on the floor. Nice of her, no? It was so dark, no light what so ever. Queen was singing “OOOh mama””. So peaceful, so relaxing.
Then suddenly a blinding light filled the room. It was a blinding white light, turned gradually to violet and then Finished. For a moment I was not sure what had happened. It was actually my other friend who was laying right next to me on the bed, that in total dark took a photo from this one laying on the floor. Later, when we developed the photo (which happened to be a perfect photo, considering it was taken in dark), the peace in her face was something so amazing. I wish I had that photo with me. She was laying on the floor, eyes closed, one leg crossed on the other, whispering the song.

And I remember, in the last 11 years that I didn’t know where she is and what is she doing I often remembered her with that peaceful face, and every single time I whispered this poem of Sohrab for her: “Where are my friends? May their day be filled with orange scent (Doostan man koja hastand?? Rooz hayeshan porteghali bad)”