Doostan man koja hastand?

It is 3:33 PM. My mind is blocked.
On one side, I have been waiting for one person to e.mail me. Or better said “ I was hoping that that person e.mails me”. And the mail never came. So…I am feeling confused. My logic part is telling me: Who cares? Bad for that person who could make you happy by a small note, and didn’t”. My emotional part tells me: “You see. I told you hundred times. You are not important for him/her (Don’t wanna mention if it is a he or a she :-)……”
I don’t wanna listen to neither of them and am interested to focus on my work. However, it seems like I am not able to. I checked my Google account at least 100 times today. Useless, and depressing. I am pretty much so ready to cry out loud.

On the other hand, today I found one of my old friends of many years ago. A friend that I shared a lot with her. Then suddenly she left the country, without saying good bye. For some years, thinking about her would make me feel so stupid in friendship. Then I’ve learned to respect her decision. I came to the point to think she probably had her own reasons to do so. I told myself if I looked at her as a good friend of mine, it does not essentially means she was looking at me from the same angel.

And then suddenly I found her on LinkedIn…… She said:” Since I left Iran I was 100% focused on my life and future so I didn't have much time to catch up with friends and families”

It made me think of myself. My past and future are marching in my mind like a movie, and am not able to focus on anything.

I remember one night about 14 years ago, with another friend of mine we were staying over this friend' Dad’s home somewhere in Shomal’s Forests. It was late at night. She gave us her bed and herself was laying on the floor. Nice of her, no? It was so dark, no light what so ever. Queen was singing “OOOh mama””. So peaceful, so relaxing.
Then suddenly a blinding light filled the room. It was a blinding white light, turned gradually to violet and then Finished. For a moment I was not sure what had happened. It was actually my other friend who was laying right next to me on the bed, that in total dark took a photo from this one laying on the floor. Later, when we developed the photo (which happened to be a perfect photo, considering it was taken in dark), the peace in her face was something so amazing. I wish I had that photo with me. She was laying on the floor, eyes closed, one leg crossed on the other, whispering the song.

And I remember, in the last 11 years that I didn’t know where she is and what is she doing I often remembered her with that peaceful face, and every single time I whispered this poem of Sohrab for her: “Where are my friends? May their day be filled with orange scent (Doostan man koja hastand?? Rooz hayeshan porteghali bad)”